Show Up Better in Love: Top 5 Resources for a Stronger Relationship

Written by Dr. Rossana Sida

Ready to step up your relationship game as the year ends? Here are trusted, therapist-recommended resources that address common challenges and help you create meaningful, lasting positive change.

Common Relationship Challenges

Feeling misunderstood, even when you try to communicate repeatedly
Feeling alone beside your partner
Navigating major life changes, like parenthood or career shifts
Experiencing frustration that nothing you do feels “enough”
These issues are signals to learn, adapt, and invest in new ways of connecting.

Root Causes to Look For

Old communication habits creating defensiveness
Clashing emotional and physical needs
Fear of judgment or not being truly heard

Addressing root causes means real change becomes possible.

Top 5 Resources for Growing Your Relationship

1. @securelyattachedtherapist (Julie Menanno, Instagram)
Get daily, attachment-focused insights that clarify emotional triggers and offer practical routes toward security and trust. Great for couples working through chronic misunderstandings.

2. Where Should We Begin? by Esther Perel (Podcast)
Listen to real therapy sessions and get a glimpse into the challenges, repairs, and triumphs of modern couples. The stories may differ, but the core struggles and learning apply to everyone.

3. How We Love by Milan and Kay Yerkovich
This book helps you understand your attachment style and how your upbringing shapes your love life. Gain tools for growth, repair, and authentic connection—no matter your history.

4. This Is How Your Marriage Ends by Matthew Fray
Perfect for self-reflective “nice guys” or anyone who is well-intentioned but feels lost when a partner says “you don’t get me.” A blunt, compassionate guide to taking responsibility and building awareness before it is too late.

5. Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy
Designed for parents, this popular book is actually full of relationship wisdom for everyone. Learn how to interpret your partner more generously, communicate with compassion, and create connection that goes beyond surface-level fixes.

Bonus: Polysecure by Jessica Fern
Curious about non-monogamy or exploring attachment in different relationship styles? This book introduces attachment theory for the polyamorous and monogamous alike, with practical strategies for building trust, handling jealousy, and staying emotionally anchored.

How Therapy Can Help

Couples Therapy
Work together with a therapist to address chronic issues, improve communication, and build mutual trust. Therapy is the space where both partners learn to focus on their personal growth and understand each other more deeply.

Individual Therapy
Personal counseling gives you room to reflect on your triggers, family history, and habits. By growing your own awareness and communication skills, you lead the way for change in your relationship—whether your partner joins you or not.

Why Chose Togetherness therapy?

At Togetherness Therapy, we take time to explore your history, personality, and goals, so our support is truly tailored to what you need. Every therapist on our team has expertise in both sex and couples therapy, which means you will feel understood as you work toward the love and connection you deserve.

About the Author

Dr. Rossana Sida is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist at Togetherness Therapy. She specializes in helping individuals and couples create stronger, more connected relationships, and personally trains the entire Togetherness Therapy team in evidence-based practices for better relationships.

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The Psychology of Thoughtful Gifts: Creating Deeper Connection

Written by: Jakuta Ptah

Why do some gifts linger in memory while others are soon forgotten?
Heartfelt gift-giving is about more than just the item itself. When you give with intention, your present becomes a lasting symbol of appreciation, connection, and love.

The Heart of Giving
Gift-giving is an opportunity to express gratitude, celebrate relationships, and make others feel seen and valued. The most meaningful gifts reflect the recipient’s uniqueness and show that you care enough to notice details. Even simple gifts become powerful when they carry a personal touch.

Before picking your next gift, ask yourself:

How can I make them feel truly seen?
Is there a shared story or moment I can honor?
What personal touches could reflect our relationship?

Why Heartfelt Gifts Matter: Giving from the heart is not only good for your relationship, but also boosts your own happiness. Research shows that spending on others increases joy for both giver and recipient. A truly thoughtful gift deepens relationships, creates lasting moments, and lets you both savor the experience of giving and receiving.

Personalize Your Gifts

Pay attention to the little things that matter to your loved one. Celebrate their story with gifts that support their hobbies, reflect shared memories, or simply show you listen. A handwritten note, a framed photo, or a care package of favorites can mean more than something expensive.

Gift Ideas

Gifts that support their hobbies or interests
Personalized jewelry or keepsakes
Custom art or photo mementos
A unique shared activity or experience
Care packages with favorite treats or wellness items

Heartfelt Gift-Giving Tips

Reflect on what brings them joy
Give experiences, not just objects
Include a simple handwritten note
Focus on thoughtfulness instead of extravagance

These practices remind us that the act of giving is really about building connection and expressing care, not about finding the “perfect” present.

The Beauty of Connection
Gift-giving is your chance to make someone feel appreciated and understood. Let your heart lead the way, and your gifts will carry meaning beyond the wrapping paper.

How Togetherness Therapy Can Help

At Togetherness Therapy, our therapists help you build stronger relationships by fostering thoughtfulness, gratitude, and connection. We are happy to help you brainstorm meaningful gifts and cheer you on. For example, if sitting with you in session reveals that the most important thing to your wife is spending time with family, we might suggest a professional family portrait for her. Sometimes you just need someone to help you spot what will be most meaningful or give you the encouragement to follow through with your heartfelt idea.

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Sex Games for Couples: Playful Ways to Build Intimacy

Written by: Rachel Thomas

Looking to bring novelty and excitement into your relationship?

Sex games are a creative way for couples to break routine, discover new desires, and foster stronger emotional and physical connection. Whether your relationship is new or long-term, adding a sense of play can spark fresh excitement and deeper intimacy.

Why try sex games together?

Adding play and creativity in the bedroom helps couples

Break routine and bring new excitement
Communicate preferences and fantasies in a safe, low-pressure way
Build trust, confidence, and emotional connection
Reduce anxiety and turn intimacy into an enjoyable adventure

By stepping outside your comfort zone with games, you and your partner can explore desires, laugh together, and embrace vulnerability, all while having fun.

Game ideas to try at home

Strip Card Game
Turn any card game into a sexy experience by removing a piece of clothing with each round.

Simon Says
Take turns giving each other commands, like “Simon says kiss my neck.” If someone acts without hearing “Simon says,” a fun consequence follows such as a massage.

Sensation Play with Blindfolds
Use household items to create different sensations on your partner’s skin. Take turns, then have your partner guess the items or simply enjoy the experience.

Sex “Chore” Box
Write sexual activities or positions on slips of paper. Take turns drawing one out and try it together. Set a routine for picking new “chores.”

Naked Cooking
Prepare a simple meal together wearing nothing. While the food bakes, focus on each other until the timer goes off, then finish your date with dinner.

DIY Jenga
Customize Jenga blocks with flirty questions or dares. Each time a piece is pulled, a new activity or question sparks conversation and connection.

Temperature Play
Experiment with ice cubes, cool water, warmed massage oil, or body-safe candle wax. Always communicate and prioritize safety when playing with temperature.

Paint Night
Use body-safe or edible paint and create art on each other’s skin. Lay down a tarp, paint, and embrace the mess and color.

Best You’ve Ever Had
Give each other a hand massage and provide feedback about what feels best. Use these cues to build toward more intimate or sensual touch.

New Position Challenge
Find new positions together online, list the ones you both want to try, and make a schedule to explore one at a time.

Sex games help couples feel safe and empowered to experiment.

They turn anxiety into anticipation and create space to express desires without judgment. If you prefer ready-made games, visit a local adult store or browse online shops together for inspiration.

Adult Store Recommendations

Los Angeles: The Pleasure Chest, Lovers, Cupids Closet
Orange County: Lovers, Romantix, Couples Mega Outlet
Northern CA: Good Vibrations, Feelmore Adult Gallery, Hustler
Online: Peppertogether, bboutique, lelo

How Togetherness Therapy Can Help

Our therapists guide couples in exploring new ways to connect, improving communication about intimacy, and overcoming routine or obstacles in the bedroom. We help you feel supported, confident, and ready to create a more joyful sex life together.

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Recharge Your Relationship Through Travel

Written by Dr. Rossana Sida

Looking to reignite your relationship?

Travel could be the spark you need.

Getting away from your normal routine introduces novelty, deeper connection, and adventure into your relationship. Whether it’s a weekend trip or a bigger getaway, these bonding experiences set the foundation for lasting closeness.

Why travel boosts your relationship

Shared experiences create closeness
Trying something new together, like exploring a city or trying an activity, strengthens your connection and brings back teamwork and excitement.

Uninterrupted time together matters
Travel lets you turn off distractions and focus fully on each other. This kind of quality time builds real intimacy and presence.

Relive the early days
Traveling to new places gives you a chance to rediscover things about your partner. You may find yourself reliving the curiosity and joy you felt when you first met.

Leave stress and routine behind
A change of scenery helps you both relax, leaving room for laughter and meaningful conversation. Without daily worries, you can focus on simply enjoying each other’s company.

Lean on each other
When you travel, you rely on each other to navigate new places and situations. This builds appreciation, teamwork, and trust.

Create new memories together
Travel experiences give you positive, lasting memories. These become stories and inside jokes that strengthen your relationship through good times and tough moments alike.

Use travel to address emotional issues gently
Vacation time can be a gentle chance to discuss relationship concerns if you are both calm and willing to listen. Set goals for connection and growth, not blame or criticism.

Travel Troubleshooting

If your partner worries about leaving the kids:
Start with close-to-home adventures or day trips to make it easier.

If money is tight:
Brainstorm creative ways to travel on a budget, like house swaps or local getaways. Consider saving together or skipping material gifts so you can invest in experiences.

If there is pressure about sex on vacation:
Talk ahead of time about what feels comfortable for both of you. Decide on boundaries and communicate openly about what intimacy looks like for your trip.

Travel does not have to be extravagant to revitalize your connection.
Even a night at a nearby hotel or planning a simple outing can spark excitement and bring you closer together. Every shared experience is a new opportunity for connection and joy.

Let us know where you travel! Tag @togethernesstherapy on your adventures.

About the Author

Dr. Rossana Sida is an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at Togetherness Therapy. She specializes in helping couples break out of routine and revitalize their connection by using new experiences (like travel) as tools for intimacy and growth. Dr. Sida empowers clients to step outside their comfort zones, communicate openly, and rediscover a sense of fun and adventure together, whether at home or while exploring new destinations.

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When Couples Therapy is Not an Option

Written by Sandy Rose

Not every partner is ready for couples therapy, but that does not mean your relationship cannot grow and improve. Individual therapy offers powerful ways to work on your relationship, even when you attend alone.

Change is natural—stagnation is not

Relationships change over time, and that is a good thing. Trying to keep everything exactly the same for years leads to frustration and stagnation. Growth and learning are essential for lasting happiness, whether you are learning new skills, exploring new ideas, or deepening your self-awareness.

Why individual therapy benefits your relationship

If at least one person is learning and growing, the relationship itself will shift. Even if your partner is not ready for therapy, your personal development helps both of you. Here are ways therapy can help:

How individual therapy supports relationships

Process past trauma and current stress so you show up more present
Learn emotional regulation and communication skills
Practice tools to handle triggers and difficult conversations
Receive honest feedback from an unbiased source
Build your self-awareness and mental health vocabulary
Gain new ideas for expressing your needs and understanding your partner
Relieve stress in a safe environment so your partner is not your only outlet

Therapy helps you build a stronger relationship with yourself. When you are more authentic and confident, your relationship improves—or you gain clarity if it is not the right partnership for you.

Important reminders about relationship dynamics

Every relationship is a two-way system. You cannot single-handedly “fix” the partnership or be the only one invested in change. If growth on your end is not met by your partner’s effort, start a conversation or discuss this dynamic with your therapist. True relationships require willingness from both people.

About the Author

Sandy Rose is an associate sex and relationship therapist at Togetherness Therapy. She helps individuals explore self-awareness, sexual confidence, and relationship dynamics. She also works with couples on communication, emotional regulation, and desire. Both individual and couples therapy can make a difference. To connect with Sandy, visit Togetherness Therapy or follow her at @sexytherapystuff.

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Embracing the Single Life

Written by: Rachel Thomas

Being single is not a status to fix; it is a season to celebrate. Society often suggests that happiness is found in finding a partner, but the truth is, happiness starts with you. Whether you are newly single, taking a break from dating, or choosing solo living, this time in your life is full of opportunities for growth, joy, and independence.

1. Rewrite the Narrative: Being Single is Powerful

Happiness does not depend on your relationship status. Use this season to set your own goals, make your own plans, and recognize that you are the main character in your story.
Therapist’s Tip: Whenever you think, “I’ll be happier when I find someone,” shift your focus to what brings you joy right now.

2. The Most Important Relationship is with Yourself
Use this time to nurture self-awareness. Journaling or therapy can help you identify passions, values, and personal dreams outside the context of a romantic relationship.

3. Love is Not Just About Romance
Love shows up in friendships, family, community, and self-care. Spread your love across your whole support system instead of putting it all into finding a romantic partner.
Therapist’s Tip: Purposefully connect with friends, express gratitude to family, and participate in your community.

4. Single Does Not Equal Lonely
Being alone does not have to mean being lonely. Explore hobbies, say yes to new adventures, and fill your time with activities that excite and fulfill you.
Therapist’s Tip: Pursue solo travel, take a class, or join a group to discover new joys and connections.

5. Self-Care is Essential
Invest time in caring for your physical, mental, and emotional health. Schedule non-negotiable “you time” just like you would a date.

6. Forget the Relationship Race
There is no universal timeline for love. Each person’s journey is unique.
Therapist’s Tip: Practice gratitude for where you are. Your life is happening now, not on hold until you find a partner.

7. Use This Time to Level Up
Set personal goals, whether for career, fitness, learning, or something else. Growth during your single season builds a foundation for future satisfaction and success.

8. Enjoy Your Freedom
Singleness offers a rare and valuable kind of freedom. Make spontaneous choices, try new things, and relish the ability to focus on yourself.

How Therapy Can Help While You’re Single

Working with a relationship therapist at Togetherness Therapy can help you get the most out of your single season. Therapy creates a safe space to reflect on your goals, address patterns from past relationships, and grow your self-worth. A therapist can help you rediscover what excites you, explore your identity, and build the confidence needed for meaningful connections in the future. Whether you want to process the end of a relationship, improve communication, or simply enjoy your own company, professional support can be a valuable tool on your journey.

Final thoughts

Being single is about recognizing the meaning and value in your life, no matter your relationship status. Build a life that excites you, nurture your passions, and know that you are already enough.

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Understanding Beyond Words: Nonverbal Intimacy in Relationships

Written by: Dr. Nahreen Aref

Intimacy is more than words:
Many couples feel disconnected even when they talk every day. Other times, they notice the sexual spark has faded despite constant conversation. One partner might want to keep sharing, while the other feels worn out by words. Too much talking can sometimes make boundaries fuzzy and lessen desire, especially if it replaces privacy or mystery.

Why words alone are not enough
Communication matters, but true connection is built through nonverbal cues. Things like a shared glance, a comforting touch, or a quiet daily gesture can deepen closeness in ways that words cannot. These small acts allow partners to feel seen, cared for, and secure.

Ways to Connect Without Talking

Appreciate your partner’s own ways of showing connection, even if they are different from yours
Notice how your partner gives love through actions, like making coffee or bringing a blanket
Set up small routines together, such as a morning walk or relaxing together in the evening
Think about how your family and cultural background expresses love and care

How attachment styles affect relationships
Attachment patterns shape intimacy.
– Secure attachment is marked by confidence and comfort with closeness and space.
– Anxious attachment craves reassurance and feels unsettled by distance.
– Avoidant attachment tends to value independence and feels overwhelmed by too much closeness.
– Disorganized attachment includes switching between wanting connection and needing space.

Knowing your own and your partner’s attachment style helps both of you support each other and respond thoughtfully instead of defensively. If your partner needs reassurance, offer steady support. If they need space, respect it.

If you feel disconnected or out of sync

Pause before reacting
Slow down and meet your partner where they are
Use presence and gentle gestures to build safety, instead of focusing on fixing the problem

How therapy can help with nonverbal intimacy

The therapists at Togetherness Therapy have deep experience with intimacy, attachment, and sex therapy. They help couples and individuals move from feeling distant to feeling safe, open, and connected. In therapy, you can

Restore safety, playfulness, and desire in your relationship
Turn periods of misunderstanding into real growth
Practice balancing privacy and openness
Learn new ways to build trust and emotional closeness

About Dr. Nahreen Aref
Dr. Nahreen Aref is a sex and relationship therapist in Orange County. She supports individuals and couples in reclaiming pleasure, building confidence, and forming healthy connections. Using a blend of modern sex therapy, body-based practices, and a caring approach, she works with anyone navigating issues of shame, trauma, or identity. Dr. Aref’s clients learn to deepen connection, feel safe in their relationships, and experience more joy.

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Attachment Styles and the Dating Rollercoaster

Written by: Rachel Thomas

Ever wonder why dating sometimes feels unpredictable? Attachment styles play a big role in how you approach love, connection, and communication. Understanding these patterns can help you navigate dating with more confidence and self-awareness.

What Are Attachment Styles?

Attachment styles describe the unique ways we connect, relate, and respond to others in romantic relationships. These patterns are formed in early childhood based on our relationships with caregivers and shape how we approach intimacy, trust, and emotional closeness in adulthood.

There are four main attachment styles: anxious, avoidant, fearful-avoidant (sometimes called disorganized), and secure.

People with an anxious attachment style often worry about being abandoned, crave reassurance, and seek extra closeness in relationships.
Those with an avoidant attachment style tend to value independence, find it challenging to open up emotionally, and may keep a partner at arm’s length.
Fearful-avoidant individuals experience a mix of both anxiety and avoidance—they may deeply desire intimacy but also pull away out of fear of getting hurt.
Securely attached individuals feel comfortable with both closeness and independence, communicate needs directly, and are able to build healthy, trusting connections.

Understanding your attachment style is a valuable step toward self-awareness. By recognizing your patterns, you can work on changing any behaviors that don’t serve your relationships and create a more secure and satisfying dating experience.

Key Attachment Styles in Dating

Anxious Attachment
You seek reassurance, worry about your partner’s feelings, and may feel insecure when communication lags. Fear of abandonment can make you hyper-focused on the relationship and crave constant validation.

Dating challenges:

Worrying about the future
Overanalyzing partner behavior
Feeling insecure without reassurance

Tips:

Build your self-worth outside of relationships
Identify your triggers and practice self-soothing before reacting

Avoidant Attachment
You value independence and may distance yourself when things get close. Emotional openness can feel overwhelming, and you may prefer to keep feelings inside.

Dating challenges:

Struggling to open up emotionally
Pushing partners away unintentionally
Fixating on minor flaws

Tips:

Take steps, even small ones, to share your feelings and build trust
Communicate your needs for space calmly

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment
You crave closeness but fear getting too close, creating a push-pull pattern. You might swing between intense intimacy and withdrawal, making it tough to feel secure.

Dating challenges:

Overanalyzing the relationship
Fearing both abandonment and closeness
Difficulty building trust

Tips:

Practice gradual vulnerability and open communication
Identify your patterns with self-reflection or therapy

Secure Attachment
You are comfortable with intimacy and able to communicate your needs. Conflicts are handled calmly and directly, and you trust both yourself and your partner.

Dating challenges:

May feel frustrated with partners who struggle to connect
Could overlook small issues by focusing on harmony

Tips:

Maintain boundaries to promote mutual respect
Continue clear, honest communication
Support your partner’s vulnerability

Putting It All Together

Attachment styles are just one part of a healthy relationship. With self-awareness and growth, everyone can build more secure attachments and fulfilling dating experiences.

Resources to Learn About Your Attachment Style

Attached by Amir Levine
Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson
How We Love by Milan & Kay Yerkovich
Secure Love by Julie Menanno (@thesecurerelationship)
Togetherness Therapy newsletter or @togethernesstherapy

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Breaking the Dry Spell: How to Reconnect After a Pause in Intimacy

Written by Sandy Rose

Many couples experience periods without sexual intimacy. A “dry spell” can mean something different for everyone. Whether it has been days, weeks, or months, if you are wondering how to reconnect sexually after some time apart, these tips can help.

Common Reasons for Dry Spells

Differences in desire, changing libidos, or preference for other forms of closeness
Busy schedules, stress, health concerns, or major life changes
Medical issues or changes in physical ability
Relationship tensions, unresolved conflicts, or communication challenges

How to Initiate Intimacy After a Break

Be honest: Start the conversation with openness. Acknowledge the gap and share your feelings. “I’ve noticed we haven’t had sex in a while. Can we talk about it?”
Soften your approach: Use vulnerability, not pressure. Focus on connection instead of performance.
Prepare for any response: Be open to the possibility your partner may not be ready. Stay curious rather than taking things personally.
Try a new mindset: Approach intimacy gently, as an invitation to connect. See “rejection” as a timing mismatch, not a personal failing.
Start small: Seek closeness with conversation, cuddling, or light touch. Allow intimacy to grow naturally.

What If Bodies or Sex Feel Different Now?

Take a beginner’s mindset: Use this moment to rediscover each other, asking what feels good and what is new.
Give yourself and your partner grace: Bodies change and that is normal.
Remember that awkwardness is part of the process and can even be something to laugh about together.

Practical Tips for Breaking Out of a Dry Spell

Lower the pressure: Let go of expectations for “perfect” sex. Focus on enjoying pleasure and closeness.
Embrace the excitement of rediscovery: Treat intimacy after a break as a fresh experience, full of possibility.
Communicate afterwards: Talk about how it went and what would feel good to try next time. Honest conversation helps keep connection strong.

How Togetherness Therapy Can Help

Relationship dry spells often signal deeper patterns of disconnection or unmet needs. At Togetherness Therapy, we provide tools and support to help couples rebuild physical and emotional closeness in a warm and nonjudgmental environment. Couples therapy can help you explore what led to the dry spell, learn strategies for reconnection, and ease conversations that might otherwise feel uncomfortable.

Connect with Sandy Rose or learn more about couples therapy and sex therapy at www.togethernesstherapy.com

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How to Maintain a Sex Life in Long-Term Relationships

Maintaining intimacy and a satisfying sex life in a long-term relationship can be challenging. Many couples experience a loss of curiosity, increased pressure, or routine replacing playfulness. The good news is that there are evidence-based, practical steps you can take to reignite connection and pleasure with your partner.

1. Try an Eating Meditation to Boost Sensory Awareness: Set aside a quiet moment with your partner. Each takes a piece of fruit and slowly explores it using all five senses. Focus on touch, taste, and scent as if you’re experiencing them for the first time.

Why This Matters: Sensory mindfulness and slowing down can help couples approach physical intimacy with more presence and playfulness.

2. Practice Regular Self Check-Ins: Desire is not just about being “in the mood”—it’s influenced by stress, emotions, and daily life. Before intimacy, pause and ask yourself questions about your mood, energy, and emotional needs.

Why This Matters: Understanding your state helps you communicate clearly about what you want and need in your sex life.

3. Redefining Rejection and Initiation: Instead of seeing a “no” as rejection, consider it a difference in timing or needs. Initiation can become an invitation for connection rather than a pressure to perform.

Why This Matters: Shifting these views supports healthy communication and reduces pressure, helping couples stay connected and interested in each other.

4. Express Gratitude to Deepen Attraction and Bonding: Before, during, or after intimacy, thank your partner for something you appreciate. Whether it’s a kind gesture, a physical touch, or a shared moment, regular gratitude supports emotional safety and desire.

Why This Matters: Gratitude is linked to overall relationship satisfaction and a thriving sex life.

Looking for more support to improve intimacy or renew connection in a long-term relationship? Togetherness Therapy specializes in couples counseling and sex therapy for individuals and partners in Los Angeles, Orange County, and throughout California (online or in person). Learn more at www.togethernesstherapy.com

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