Written by: Alexandria Holcomb
When most people hear the word intimacy, they think of sex. But as sex and relationship therapists, we know intimacy includes much more than physical connection. Some couples have sex without emotional closeness, while others enjoy a deep connection without sex. Intimacy is unique to every relationship.
What Is Intimacy?
Intimacy refers to feelings, actions, and shared experiences that help you feel closer to another person. Intimacy can be sexual, emotional, intellectual, physical, or spiritual. Deep intimacy allows both partners to be vulnerable, which helps build trust.
Common Barriers to Intimacy
- Communication issues: A lack of open communication can create distance and unresolved conflict.
- Practical challenges: Stress from work, family, health, or money can make connection difficult.
- Low self-esteem: Feeling unworthy or worried about judgment can make it tough to be vulnerable.
- Trust issues: Past betrayals or childhood experiences can create ongoing challenges with trust.
How to Build or Maintain Intimacy
- Schedule regular check-ins to talk about your day and how you are feeling.
- Create rituals together, such as morning coffee or bedtime gratitude.
- Spend quality time on shared interests like cooking, watching movies, or going on dates.
- Help each other with daily tasks and chores.
- Learn something new together, like a class or recipe.
- Play, flirt, and have fun together.
- Show physical affection: hug, kiss, cuddle, give massages, and hold hands.
Sexual Intimacy
Sex can be a vulnerable and connecting experience, but it is not the only way to create intimacy. Many people struggle with shame or anxiety about sexuality, influenced by culture or past experiences. Exploring needs openly and honestly with a partner can make sex more fulfilling and less stressful.
Ways to Increase Sexual Intimacy
- Communicate openly: Share your desires, needs, and fantasies. Listen to your partner’s ideas.
- Explore self-pleasure: Understand your likes so you can communicate them clearly.
- Practice sensual touch often, even outside the bedroom.
- Focus on pleasure, not performance or expectations from others.
Intimacy is about building genuine trust and connection, which grows stronger through honest conversation and regular affection. Taking time for each other helps both emotional and physical closeness thrive.
How Therapy Can Help with Intimacy
- Therapists give accurate information about intimacy and sexuality.
- Therapy can normalize your experiences and help you feel less alone.
- Therapists help you identify and address the root causes of intimacy struggles.
- Communication skills are taught so you can talk about intimacy more easily.
- Therapy helps rebuild trust where it has been broken.
- Personalized strategies are provided for keeping intimacy healthy over time.
Alexandria Holcomb is a sex and relationship therapist at Togetherness Therapy. She specializes in men’s issues, non-traditional couples, and sexual trauma. Alexandria works in person in West Los Angeles and also offers virtual therapy throughout California.
For more relationship and sex therapy tips, visit www.togethernesstherapy.com or contact Alexandria to schedule a session.